I have been bouncing about an idea for a blog after a fake argument i had with a friend the other day

 And then this blog kind of nudged me the last little bit.

 It’s all about the pursuit of perfection – and what that does to us and our social interactions. I know many people who claim they would never go near plastic surgery – that they are who they are and that’s who they will be. The same people who wore braces as a kid, have their teeth whitened and would not leave the house without an hour spent with their GHD.  The same people who would send their kid into major general anaesthetic to pin back sticky out ears.

 And they don’t see that it’s the same thing.

  And i am not casting stones far and wide – my folks had me undergo surgery when i was about ten to remove two teeth from my bottom jaw cos i had more teeth than there was space. Without the op i would have crinkly teeth along my bottom jaw – as do my mother and brother. (The sexism evident in the fact that it was decided as a girl i would need straight teeth to succeed is a whole nother discussion.)

 My friends argued that in a job interview the straight smile means more, the groomed hair and the tinted contact lenses may sway the decision of who gets employed. I do not dispute that fact – sadly.

 What i do question is that we all buy into it. And cos we do, we have to continue doing so.

 Is sending a kid into theatre to have perfect, head hugging ears that far a cry from cutting off your daughter’s labia to ensure she is marriageable? Is it that different from having a nose job at 16 to increase the chances of having a boyfriend, hidden under the guise of self esteem? Is it that different from binding her feet cos only women with small feet ever get married? Or even from buying your daughter a hair straightener cos curly hair is ugly?

  Cos let us not kid ourselves – it is not for us we do these things. It is so we are viewed more favourably, especially by the adjacent sex. Surely we should work at making ourselves happy with what we have rather than learning the skills or earning the money necessary to hide the ‘flaws’?

 The full make up worn when going out, the fake eyelashes or ‘triple the volume’ mascara, the implants and suctioning out of bits of ourselves – these are all along the same continuum of plucking, sucking and smoothing ourselves into a fake version of a human being so that some other fake version will want us.

  These things, from surgery to teeth whitening, are claimed to be done so we feel better about ourselves. Since when should what someone else thinks of you determine how you feel about yourself? Have we all lost the capacity to simply like who we are and be who we are? The real us, the one we wake up to in the morning, raw, unbuffed and crazy haired.

  We all allow others to determine what we look like and how we feel about ourselves. And so many people have been doing it for so long that they actually believe they are doing it for themselves. If we all stopped, everyone would be judged on who they really are, and not based on how much time and money they have to metamorphosise themselves into little Barbies and Kens.

 No one actually feels better with gloop on their faces and angry, perfect hair. We just con ourselves we do so that others will smile their perfect white smile on us.


As my nephew said when his mom came home lamenting a haircut she had just had.

 ‘But mom, why does it bother you, you are the only one who can’t see it?’


Let’s stop the bullshit. We are doing it to be desirable.

 How shallow are we all?