Five of us lived in the small dingy house in Dollis Hill. Typical South Africans abroad. Hylton and I shared a tiny room and I can’t remember where the others all slept. Perhaps on couches. We had 2 small bedrooms, a tiny lounge, a poky kitchen, and, most importantly, one bathroom which contained the bath and the loo.R used to hide in the bath, reading for hours, sleeping and generally causing constipation in all of us. One day Hylton and I decided enough was enough and knocked on the bathroom door to hassle him out of it. When he didn’t answer we knew the bugger had fallen asleep. We crept into the bathroom and found R fast asleep in the bath. The warm, gently steamy water lapped over his belly as in inhaled and exhaled, his penis awash in the warm water as it curled, like a large silkworm, on his belly, exposed and afloat. H and I looked at each other and immediately had out evil plan. We crept from the bathroom stifling giggles.

In the kitchen we removed the water bottle from the fridge and poured a litre of cold water into a jug. It took us minutes to calm down, frantically telling each other to shhhushhh as we fell about in fits of giggles. Eventually we contained ourselves enough to be able to creep back into the bathroom silently.

We unceremoniously dumped a litre of fridge water onto R’s comfortable warm penis as he lay sleeping in the bath.

I think R was standing upright before he was awake. The shock, horror and disbelief, coupled with extreme discomfort and total confusion were evident in his still sleeping but open eyes. Hylton and I were unable to stand we were laughing so hard. As R realised what had happened he started throwing anything he could find at us as we crawled, hysterical, from the bathroom.

The next day R bought and installed a slide lock on the bathroom door and I made friends with the neighbours rather than start peeing in the garden.

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