My mother is ill. She has been for a while. The idea that she is dying has been floating about for about 6 months. My brother and I joke that she shouldn’t buy green bananas.


She has fucked lung disease and the blood thinners she is on for the clots made her brain bleed. I was in New York on holiday and my brother had to make hard decisions about brain surgery and anaesthetic risks. He did and she survived but the half-bald head she emerged with was not the only change.

The lack of blood thinners to keep her blood in their vessels is also keeping the oxygen out of her blood. So another decision has to be made regarding which risk is greater. Which side effect worse.

I saw her yesterday

She is yellow

It took 15 minutes for her to walk 30 metres.

She is 68 not 98

She is not old

She is dying


My mother really is dying and green banana jokes are not funny any more


How do we do this? All of us?