Tag Archive: emotions


emotions

being sick and bed bound has meant i have watched a fair few movies.

watched Equilibrium and it raised some interesting questions for me

namely: Would we be better off with no emotions?

Do we feel good emotions more often than bad ones?

 

The immediate reaction to a world with no emotions is one of horror – we like to laugh and love, enjoy beauty and feel excitement. But what of all the other emotions? Who likes that feeling of your insides being ripped out with jealousy? who likes crying themselvs to sleep at night beacuse of something someone else did? who likes to mourn the death of a loved one, so completely consumed by pain that life never actually ever is the same again?

 

at what price do we have the laughter and joy? and do we always pay the price, or do we expect others to? are there not people in this world who have seldom if ever felt ‘good’ emotions? abused children who live in fear? starving nations who know nothing of joy or the upliftment of a beautiful sunset because they are too busy trying to survive.

 

do we feel all the ‘good’ emotions somehow at their expense? does humankind, the sum of all individuals, feel ‘good’ emotions more often than ‘bad’? if we as a species did, surely we would be a whole lot nicer to each other.

 

underneath it all are we not all just greedy, grabby and envious, spiteful little kids who want want want? cos even when we are nice to others, you can be sure we get something for it.

even mother teresa got a reward – she got to be mother teresa.

 

or maybe we are not. maybe we are all rainbows and sunbeams.

let’s ask history shall we!

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baby

It was with a surprising lack of mixed emotions that I heard of the birth of my dear friend’s baby.  All I felt was joy and some oddly inappropriate pride.

And that in itself was amazing. This friend and I and the baby have come a long way.

I dislike babydaddy with a frightening passion. Friend and I ‘broke up’ after years of very close friendship cos babydaddy lied about me and she believed him. I was done and over and even moved away. Then I heard about the baby and got over myself.

She and I have been speaking and have repaired our friendship, with the single exclusion of not talking about him or their relationship. I will never forgive him for lying about me but I will suck it up cos I love her.

But the baby! Now that’s a whole different thing. When found out she was pregnant I was glad for her and angry with the universe in equal measure!
I didn’t get to have a baby and I did all the right things in life. She behaved badly (in my opinion) at the start of this relationship with babydady – and gets rewarded with a child. (I never said it was logical)

When I found out she had asked the Fire in a sweat lodge I was with her in, to replace her anger with a baby, I wept.

I felt like she had cheated by asking.

Luckily she and I always had had a friendship in which we could talk about this kind of thing – and did again. I was distressed beyond expectations that she had asked for a child. And she knew I would be. Which is why she told me – not to hurt me but to get it out and over and done with.

She understood my feelings of being cheated even if they made no sense whatsoever. I was unsure of how I would feel about the actual baby – the existence of it in their unit.

Not that I have any right to feel anything but who said emotions follow the rules?

Yesterday we spoke while she was in labour – she had to hang up when a monster contraction hit. All I felt was joy and excitement. And a tinge of sadness at being so far away – who knows when I will meet the blighter.

Then at 7am this morning she smsed me to say that after 28 hours of labour she had had to have a Caesar at 5am today.

All I felt was joy and gladness and that rush of a miracle that a perfect, whole, intact human being existed in her life and the world.

No envy
No jealousy
No coveting
Not even any begrudging sneer in the direction of babydaddy
Just happiness for my friend and her baby

Who knew I was that mature!