Tag Archive: pain

Shit got real

My mother is ill. She has been for a while. The idea that she is dying has been floating about for about 6 months. My brother and I joke that she shouldn’t buy green bananas.


She has fucked lung disease and the blood thinners she is on for the clots made her brain bleed. I was in New York on holiday and my brother had to make hard decisions about brain surgery and anaesthetic risks. He did and she survived but the half-bald head she emerged with was not the only change.

The lack of blood thinners to keep her blood in their vessels is also keeping the oxygen out of her blood. So another decision has to be made regarding which risk is greater. Which side effect worse.

I saw her yesterday

She is yellow

It took 15 minutes for her to walk 30 metres.

She is 68 not 98

She is not old

She is dying


My mother really is dying and green banana jokes are not funny any more


How do we do this? All of us?


The freeing of the Lockerbie bomber so he can go home to die has caused consternation across the nations. People are discussing it and arguing about it on all the continents and at dinner tables everywhere.

 And i have my opinion too.

 I believe we live beneath and within an atmosphere of emotions. Just like the pollution and the oxygen produced on earth float around in the atmosphere above and around us, so too do the emotions we create and experience.

 The emotional atmosphere of earth is angry, sad and murderous. We all live beneath a cloud of toxic, heavy emotions, pressing down on us and filling us with fear.

 I believe we are all responsible for the emotions we send out into this atmosphere. And we have to try to reduce the negative emotions we both feel and cause others to feel.

 The Lockerbie bombing was a terrible thing to have happen.

 Close to 300 people died, and their families and loved ones will hurt forever. The tragedy resulted in so much sad and angry energy being added to the burden of the emotional atmosphere because of the actions of Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi  and whoever else was involved.

 Not for one second do i think that he did not deserve to be punished, that the families of the dead did not have the right to see him behind bars, denied his liberty.

 But the man is dying. To what end should he be kept in jail for the last 3 months of his life? The justice system is not supposed to be about revenge; allowing him to die a sad, lonely and horrible death far from everyone who loves him is what the people he hurt might want. But that’s because they want revenge; they want to hurt as they were hurt.

 All that would do is create more pain. His family didn’t do anything except love him.  Does making them hurt too reduce the pain the families of the dead feel? Does insisting he have a horrible death make their deaths less horrible? Does being cruel now, when the man is broken and so close to death not reduce us to, in some ways, worse than him? At least he believed he was committing this atrocity for some idealistic reason; the greater good. However misguided we may all think that is, surely it is not as bad as seeking vicious revenge in the cold, hard light of reason.

 This man has already been responsible for so much anger, pain and tears. He has tainted the emotional atmosphere underneath which we all have to live. Let us not insist on allowing him to taint it more. Let us not chose to feel anger at him and the justice system for letting him go home and die.  Let us not allow this release to be a bad thing which hurts more of the innocent. Let him go and let his family love him as he dies. They did nothing; why should they too be caused additional pain?

 He will answer to for all he has done; let us not make it more. If we do, the burden of pain under which we all live simply increases.